A real big milestone is coming up this week, tomorrow actually, and surprisingly I’m a thunderstorm of emotions. There’s some light rumbling of feelings, and then bam lighting hits and I just feel so anxious. You see y’all, I’m turning 30 and I’m having a pre birthday breakdown! Is there life after 30?!?! The big 3 0, the dirty 30, however you want to call it, it’s happening and I can’t stop it.
I don’t know what it is about this number, probably the fact I’m out of my twenties, but all of a sudden life plans are so important and I keep comparing myself to others at this age. Something that keeps bothering me, and it’s so petty but I want to share since part of this blog is about hormones, but I feel like my 29th year and part of my 28th year was robbed from me. Before I was diagnosed I feel like part of that time was half lived because I was just not present.
That is all on me though, no one else but me! But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I flat out missed out on some many moments and memories. However there is a silver lining to all this negativity and it came from the most unsuspecting place.
Babies after 30?
There’s also the hovering thoughts and insinuations of “when will y’all have kids?” Well you see everyone, I’m not even sure if I can have children. There it’s been said! Dr. Incredible and I haven’t even navigated that road because right now it’s about reclaiming my health and body back from damaged hormones. My hopes and prayers are that everything is still somewhat functional in that department. After my estrogen and progesterone start to come back like they’re supposed to, that making a baby is totally feasible.
But let’s talk a minute about how I already put a lot of stress on myself for things I can’t control, so I really would appreciate it if people would pause for a moment to consider what the implication of a question like that might be for someone. I totally appreciate the inquiry, and appreciate that you like us enough as a couple that you want us to make a human being together! It’s not your fault either, because you don’t know what Shutter Island crazy is living in my head every waking minute, so I smile and say yeah maybe in a year or so as I turn around, frown, and let the anxiety sink in.
I’m the Adult?
I also have this feeling that I’m not an adult, like someone find the adult in this situation because it’s not me. I’m not grown up, are you kidding me!? Much less old enough to be 30! I remember being in high school and trying to picture myself at 30, like what would I look like, what would my life be like, what would I be doing? And honestly it’s such a WEIRD feeling thinking back on that because if I’m being honest with myself I’m not exactly how I pictured myself. I’m totally loosing it y’all!! At the same time, I don’t know if I could have envisioned this life for myself.
Finally, Life After 30
But, there is an upside, and kudos for you if you’ve stuck around reading this post for this long!!! You my friend are a rock star! Here’s the upside, the other day that old video cycled in my Facebook feed. You know the one of the cutest little blonde girl standing on her bathroom sink chanting about all the amazing things she likes in her life. I laughed, and cried, and realized I’m such an idiot. In case you somehow missed this here’s the link: (click here)
So, from that point on, my mornings start just like that little girl. No I’m not on my bathroom counter 🙂 but I chant all the things I like about my life. And you know what y’all, it works! It makes you think man God this life is great, this life is awesome, and this life has been gifted to me. So as 30 happens to me, I’m going to charge at it, I’m going to approach it with a ferocity I’ve been missing most of my life. There’s going to be passion, frustrations, learning, thankfulness, grace, and above all loving. Because after all there is life after 30, and in a way I’m just now beginning to stretch my wings.
Until next time y’all:
I like my life
I like my family
I like my home
I like my fur babies
I like my hair
I like my hair curls
I like my skin
Above all I like me